The Lady Garden

Tea and Strumpets

Ask Men

Ok, I will. There are some men that read here, and a handful that comment (hi! We love you). So, a quick poll.

To answer that last question, it’s this. The corresponding female survey (apparently conducted by Cosmo) is here.

AskMen want us to believe this is Science: “concrete data and actual numbers”. But really, it’s a self-selecting internet survey, on a website now known for its sexist bullshit. So why do you care, Tallulah, I hear you ask. Well, just because it fucks me off. I saw this survey tweeted several times before I got up the courage to look at it, and in looking at it, all it does is perpetuate “battle of the sexes” bollocks.

Here’s the one that most got my goat.

Ten, closely followed by that magical 20 number, which I think we can agree is official now. Sleeping with 20 people makes you sexually promiscuous. W00t! I am a dirty tramp*. Of course, over on the women’s survey, they don’t mince words, just wanting to know how many makes you a slut. (It is, of course, 20.)

There is of course no corresponding question of when a man becomes sexually promiscuous, because that idea DOESN’T EXIST!

The survey is riddled with mistakes. On the women’s side, in Question 6, 74% of women have never cheated. In Q7, it drops to 60%. That didn’t take long. One question is asked twice, with completely different answers (it’s a typo, I am sure, but even so).

And ultimately, it means almost as much as those “Does your partner secretly wish you would wear a French Maid outfit in bed” quizzes Cosmo does. The survey, and the results, say significantly more about AskMen’s editorial team, and its readership than it does about Men in general. (Remember, we here at TLG love and respect most men.)

My issue with it, and my issue with most publications of this type, is that for every person who answers ‘no’ to ‘would you dump your partner if he/she got fat”, there’s someone who said yes. Well, there’s a 53/47 split in the men. And that someone just had it reinforced that it’s OK to think that way. Just as it is OK to ask “at what age do women lose their looks?” It’s OK to ask when a woman becomes a slut, thus it’s OK to treat women like sluts. It’s OK for men to want to change a woman’s ‘attitude’. That men “get screwed” in the divorce courts hardly paints women in a flattering light, does it?

So, guys, AskMen readers, if I may, some advice. The kind of drink you order doesn’t reflect on your masculinity – but the confidence with which you do it does. If a woman deigns to sleep with you, whether you’re her first or her fiftieth, it’s not OK to say she’s a slut. If you are dumping your partner because she put on weight, yeah, good luck finding a new one. Real men cry, if they need to, and aren’t ashamed of it. If you think women put “too much value on a man’s financial worth”, find new women. I could go on, but I won’t. Most of you are right when you say it’s “not a competition” between the sexes. But AskMen and Cosmo would have us believe it is. And they would ahve you always winning it. My best advice? Stay away from surveys and articles like this.

Oh, and the 78% of you who are pretty sure you can tell when she’s faking it? Yeah, you really cant.

* But let’s do the math on that. I am in my 30s. I became sexually active at 16. So what we are looking at, is less than 2 sexual partners a year (presuming I am bang on 20, which let’s face it, I’m not.) Assuming that because I am such a dirty ‘ho, these encounters have mostly been outside committed relationships, that’s less than two times a year I’m doin’ it. And that, my friends, is fucking ridiculous.

9 responses to “Ask Men

  1. @missannajane July 29, 2011 at 8:07 am

    Last I checked, the etymology of promiscuity implied “demonstrating or implying an unselective approach; indiscriminate or casual”… I’m highly discriminating with my choice of lovers, what about you?

    • tallulahspankhead July 29, 2011 at 8:46 am

      I have, at times of my life, been extremely indiscriminate. And at other times, highly picky. Still managed to get over 20.

  2. Moz July 29, 2011 at 9:21 am

    Because of you I clicked through to askmen. And it didn’t even tell me how to give a better blowjob. You owe me for that. Your Cosmo link is bork.

    Does asking count as being able to tell if she’s faking it? And what’s the matching stat for women?

  3. tallulahspankhead July 29, 2011 at 9:39 am

    I can give lessons, if you like?

    And yeah, that’s weird that that cosmo link isn’t working? It was this morning. Maybe they’ve taken it down. I will have a hunt around and see if I can find a working link.

    Without being able to look, I believe women were asked, and it was something like 25% (though that’s just from memory). Possibly because many women don’t believe men _can_ fake it.

  4. tallulahspankhead July 29, 2011 at 9:42 am

    Ok, working link is here. And they don’t appear to have asked that question, so no idea where I got that figure from.

    Oooo, and I have just noticed on the women’s survey, there _is_ a “when does a man become a man-whore” question. And surprise! 33% of them said 20!

    • Moz July 29, 2011 at 10:41 am

      I love the combination of 31% faking orgasms and 61% who would be offended if their partner did the same. It’s not quite a conflict (well, except for the virgins, but that wasn’t asked about that I can tell). I’m also amused at the number who think $500k is enough to quit their job and have be comfortable. Perhaps because that was phrased as “how much will you need to save for retirement”, and 61% haven’t thought about retirement yet.

      Down in the noise, 3% would change their boyfriend to want more sex, and only 1% to want less sex. Even by askmen standards, that’s not significant, but I still find it interesting that 4% of respondents ranked that as the most important thing to change, on a par with looks and income.

      I read the women who don’t beleive men can fake it as suggesting that men are much better at faking than women are :)

      • Hugh July 29, 2011 at 12:39 pm

        Of course it’s all non-representative bullshit, so all these %s tell us about is the way that the survey takers decided to skew their data.

  5. Dan July 30, 2011 at 12:45 am

    I fucking hate Ask Men. Pretty sure they’re owned by Murdoch, too.

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