Banter in the Garden
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Tea and Strumpets
AskMen want us to believe this is Science: “concrete data and actual numbers”. But really, it’s a self-selecting internet survey, on a website now known for its sexist bullshit. So why do you care, Tallulah, I hear you ask. Well, just because it fucks me off. I saw this survey tweeted several times before I got up the courage to look at it, and in looking at it, all it does is perpetuate “battle of the sexes” bollocks.
Here’s the one that most got my goat.
Ten, closely followed by that magical 20 number, which I think we can agree is official now. Sleeping with 20 people makes you sexually promiscuous. W00t! I am a dirty tramp*. Of course, over on the women’s survey, they don’t mince words, just wanting to know how many makes you a slut. (It is, of course, 20.)
There is of course no corresponding question of when a man becomes sexually promiscuous, because that idea DOESN’T EXIST!
The survey is riddled with mistakes. On the women’s side, in Question 6, 74% of women have never cheated. In Q7, it drops to 60%. That didn’t take long. One question is asked twice, with completely different answers (it’s a typo, I am sure, but even so).
And ultimately, it means almost as much as those “Does your partner secretly wish you would wear a French Maid outfit in bed” quizzes Cosmo does. The survey, and the results, say significantly more about AskMen’s editorial team, and its readership than it does about Men in general. (Remember, we here at TLG love and respect most men.)
My issue with it, and my issue with most publications of this type, is that for every person who answers ‘no’ to ‘would you dump your partner if he/she got fat”, there’s someone who said yes. Well, there’s a 53/47 split in the men. And that someone just had it reinforced that it’s OK to think that way. Just as it is OK to ask “at what age do women lose their looks?” It’s OK to ask when a woman becomes a slut, thus it’s OK to treat women like sluts. It’s OK for men to want to change a woman’s ‘attitude’. That men “get screwed” in the divorce courts hardly paints women in a flattering light, does it?
So, guys, AskMen readers, if I may, some advice. The kind of drink you order doesn’t reflect on your masculinity – but the confidence with which you do it does. If a woman deigns to sleep with you, whether you’re her first or her fiftieth, it’s not OK to say she’s a slut. If you are dumping your partner because she put on weight, yeah, good luck finding a new one. Real men cry, if they need to, and aren’t ashamed of it. If you think women put “too much value on a man’s financial worth”, find new women. I could go on, but I won’t. Most of you are right when you say it’s “not a competition” between the sexes. But AskMen and Cosmo would have us believe it is. And they would ahve you always winning it. My best advice? Stay away from surveys and articles like this.
Oh, and the 78% of you who are pretty sure you can tell when she’s faking it? Yeah, you really cant.
* But let’s do the math on that. I am in my 30s. I became sexually active at 16. So what we are looking at, is less than 2 sexual partners a year (presuming I am bang on 20, which let’s face it, I’m not.) Assuming that because I am such a dirty ‘ho, these encounters have mostly been outside committed relationships, that’s less than two times a year I’m doin’ it. And that, my friends, is fucking ridiculous.