The Lady Garden

Tea and Strumpets

Just not with you, Sunshine

Cross posted

We all know the meme: she was wearing a short skirt, or flirting with lot of men, or showing lots of cleavage, so clearly, she was just out for sex, and she was asking for it.

Well, yes. Plenty of women do wear short skirts, or flirt with lots of guys, or show lots of cleavage, because they would like to have sex.

But here’s the crunch.

Just because a woman is wearing a short skirt, or flirting, or showing lots of cleavage, and clearly very interested in having sex with someone, doesn’t mean that she wants to have sex WITH YOU.

You may be middleaged and balding, you may have bad breath, you may be drunk as a skunk, and these might all be good reasons in that short-skirted, flirty, cleavage showing woman’s mind for her not to want to have sex WITH YOU, even if she wants sex in general.

You might be a glorious amalgam of Brad Pitt, Chow Yun Fat, Alan Rickman, James McAvoy and Will Smith, and for whatever reason, she might decide that she is not interested in having sex WITH YOU.

Even if a woman is deeply interested in having sex with someone, that someone may not be you. Sex may be exactly what she wants, just not with you, Sunshine. You still have to get consent.

End of story. Because really, there is nothing else to be said.

Mutatis mutandis for women having sex with men, or men having sex with men, or women having sex with women. Active, positive consent matters, every single time.

9 responses to “Just not with you, Sunshine

  1. coleytangerina July 8, 2011 at 11:54 am

    I love you Deborah. Especially for your James McAvoy mention.

  2. Max Rose July 8, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    Noooo, this must be wrong! Women don’t actually want to have sex, they’re just confused in their husband-catching tactics.

  3. Isabel July 8, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    And even if she wants to have sex with you she might not want it right here, right now or in that particular fashion.

  4. Uncle July 9, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    You missed men having sex with women … some men dont want to have sex WITH YOU either! .. it could be because you remind them of a horse, or a hippopotomus, or maybe your angeline Jolie but we dont like your huge arse. it doesnt matter, if a MAN does not want to have sex WITH YOU then dont put roofies in his beer!

    • Deborah July 10, 2011 at 11:57 am

      Sigh. That would be the mutatis mutandis bit at the end of the post.

      But it wouldn’t be a post about rape and sexual exploitation without someone saying, “What about Teh MENZ?!!!”, even when the particular possibility was mentioned in the post, would it.

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